Did you hear the one about the guy who got so drunk on St. Patrick's Day that he got into a brawl with a kitchen appliance?

505 Locust, man stabbed. Update: It was determined he was wrestling with his refrigerator,no stabbing occurred , subject was highly intoxicated.Qpd, Qfd and Ems en route.

Posted by WCIL Scanner Radio on Thursday, March 17, 2016

Okay, everybody just RELAX!! Stop laughing, guys! This is serious! This is a totally normal thing that could have happened to any one of us after a St. Paddy's Day celebratory pint (or twelve?).

Gathering what I can from the WCIL comments here, it looks like the call came in on Thursday night around 7:30 regarding a theft. No injuries to report at the time. Somehow that escalated into a stabbing accusation (on the part of the refrigerator, perhaps?) The victim (??) refused transportation by ambulance and police eventually ruled that this was nothing more than your garden variety Frigidaire fracas!

After the fighting with the refrigerator, the man presumably cooled off.