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S.Tyler Happy A. I. End is Near

Frederick M. Brown, Getty Images

Ah, Thursday night, when another ‘American Idol‘ contestant’s dreams are crushed into a fine powder snorted by record executives who need it to fuel their demonic souls.

Let’s see what Steven Tyler is up to, shall we?

Commenting on Wednesday night’s performances, Jimmy Iovine said that while Elise is a good singer, Steven was right about criticizing her song choices. Can’t argue with that. Boom. Down she went into the bottom three.

Honestly, every year they have finalists you’d think have never seen this show before. Tip for future contestants: you’re better off doing a mediocre job with a song everyone knows than a great job with a song no one knows. ‘Idol’ is not a place for artistry. They’re finding the next singer you’ll eventually get sick of hearing.

Oh, and speaking of such, Katy Perry came out and did that song she says isn’t about her break-up with Russell Brand but you know it totally is.

As the rest of the bottom three was announced (it was Holly and Skylar, if you care), Jimmy said he was just happy to see the judges disagree about the performances, adding, “When they all agree, I fall asleep.”

Dude. Welcome to my world. At this point, the judges are all bored and ready to get this thing over with so Steven and J. Lo can take off on their summer tours and Randy can … wait, what does Randy do again? (Editor’s note: he competes with rich, taste-challenged suburban kids who just hit puberty to see who can buy the dumbest clothes. He’s undefeated.)

Anyway, bottom two were Elise and Holly, who’ve both logged so much time there that neither of them even looked surprised about it. But because Elise is a rock singer without a penis, she’s struggled mightily with the female tween voters of this show since day one — and her luck finally ran out.

And then there were five. See you next week.

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