My Much Too Early Obituary for Jeff Dorsey (Who is Very Much Still Alive)
Dorsey and I got to talking on the show the other day about our obituaries. I'm not really sure why, but that's the random kind of chat you can expect Monday-Friday from 7:00 to 9:00 a.m. I challenged Jeff to an obit-writing contest. I spent 10 minutes crafting this requiem to my friend, which is a rather pathetic effort for a lifetime of experiences. I'll probably actually die before he gets my obit written. Here's my entry--and regular listeners to our show will understand each reference.
PREMATURE OBITUARY FOR JEFFREY A. DORSEY
Tri-state radio phenom Jeff Dorsey, AKA The Big Dog, went to meet his maker. He died waiting for the light at 24th and Broadway to turn green.
Dorsey enjoyed a 40-year career in radio. He landed here quite by accident. He thought he'd scored a big gig in Quincy Mass., but he had to settle for the booby prize in Quincy IL.
Dorsey made his mark in the community. As a co-founder of Quincy's Saint Patrick's Day Parade, you could find him every year wearing a skirt and picking up trash in the streets.
Perhaps the crowing achievement for the Big Dog was his affiliation with radio legend Dennis Oliver. According to Wikipedia, their claim to fame was playing the Dead Skunk song more than any other radio station in the United States.
Dorsey held a life-long grudge against his high school baseball coach who didn't recognize real talent when he saw it. Dorsey scored sweet revenge by hitting a double off of Rick Sutcliff when they played together in Kansas City. You could count on Dorsey sharing that moment of glory while sitting at the bar at Kelly's. Decades later you could still find him trying to cling to his youth at the batting cages where he once managed to break a toe and a tibia. He often complained about his injury when it rained.
In his spare time, Dorsey enjoyed spending his mornings casting a line at Mormon Park Lake where he repeatedly caught a Fish Called Wanda while chatting with his friend, the lone duck Cecil.
In his final years, Dorsey teamed up with Deien, where his dashing Irish Pirate accent kept at least a dozen people entertained. It is rumored that his association with Deien led to his early demise, but Sarah would like to point out that it wasn't her fault!
Dorsey is survived by his darling daughter and six equally amazing grandchildren. He is also survived by two disgruntled ex-wives, his fish friend Wanda, Cecil the duck and his neighbor's hibiscus.
Dorsey had requested his cremains be scattered on the field at Yankee Stadium.