In light of the recent film catastrophe known as “The Emoji Movie”, I want to state that there are some things that a movie just should NOT be about. Hollywood, I hope you’re reading this.

 

  • 1

    Fidget Spinners

    I know that somewhere, there is a screenwriter desperately trying to write a movie to ride on the massively successful coattails of fidget spinners. Don’t do it. For the sake of Hollywood, entertainment, and good taste, just please don’t do it. I can only imagine some terrible plot about an alien race actually using fidget spinners as weapons or spaceships and some 8 year old having to save the universe from impending, spinning doom while aided by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Ugh. That hurt just writing that.

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  • 2

    Man-buns

    Okay, so imagine this. Man-buns take control of men, like through the back of their head into their brain. Luckily, the one man on Earth with any sort of fashion sense isn’t affected, and has to take the world back from control of undying fads armed with nothing but a strong pair of scissors and battery-powered clippers. Oh. And Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. I actually think that might be the plot of a SyFy original movie, but I’m not certain. In any case…stay away from this one too Hollywood writers who probably aren’t reading this.

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  • 3

    Minecraft

    I will admit that Minecraft isn’t bad. In fact, I played it a lot in high school when it first got popular. But just because something is good, doesn’t mean a movie should be made about it. I’m not even sure how this one could be made into a movie, but I would bet that there are a couple scripts floating around the internet that have attempted to do just that. Maybe the blocky little characters are somehow transported into the real world to try and stop “The Man’, who is trying to get the game pulled from the shelves of stores everywhere. Oh, and of course it would have to star Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

    Joe Raedle, Getty Images
  • 4

    Siri

    All I can imagine is the movie “Weird Science”, but with Siri implanted into a human body. This is just bad news. Really, really bad news. If someone is currently writing this movie, just take the script to your fireplace, throw it in, and think about what you’ve done. Actually…if they put the voice of Siri in the body of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, I just might go see this one. Let’s face it. That dude is cinema gold.

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